"Ahma, this is jiejie, this is me...this is weiwei. Do you recognise? Weiwei became fatter."
"This boy just finished doing army?"
"No Ahma. This is Weiwei ar. You remember?"
I just tried not to cry.
"Yokeling ar, I want to go home quickly."
"Ahma, just wait for 2 more days. Wait for your report to be out."
"Ok. Yokeling ar, I want to go home quickly. My hand very pain."
Ahma, I promise there's no more tubes and injections when we get home. We'll eat bananas together and watch the television. I'll promise to hold your hand until you fall asleep, like how we hold hands in the hospital.
Feeling powerless and seeing your loved ones suffer in pain is absolutely the worst feeling in the world.
And I dread it the most.
Things are not so good at home either. I wish for everything to stop. But it won't.
Time to grow up. I now view things in a different perspective. When everything doesn't go well for you, how would you react? How would you face it?
I'm happy but I'm not.
I tried but I can't.
I'm seeing it but I can't do anything about it.
I'm feeling helpless and upset. I admit it. I can't put on a mask all the time. People are not so perfect and strong all the time. They have their vulnerable sides.
And losing a loved one is the worst of the worst feeling.
i feel you. *hugs*
ReplyDeletecheer up ne! do keep a grateful heart. things may not be well, but at least they didn't get any worse right?
go beyond thinking that things are bad. if you spend all of your time feeling sad, then think of all the possible happiness in life that misses your eye when you're blinded in sadness! and all the possible things you could have done to make sure that the happiness is appreciated by both u and your ahma:)
that really is all that matters in the end.
so伤心了一下下就要马上打起精神okay! :)))
-xinyi
Yokes, I can understand. I'm going through the exact same thing but the support from Xinyi, Xinwei and Tingx has helped me to see beyond the sadness. I know it's hard but you have to learn to allow yourself time to fully experience the sadness(maybe for a few hours each day) and then try to get over it for the rest of the day. There're so many other emotions other than sadness out there!
ReplyDeletePlease try your best ne? And rely on the people around you and on God. For he's always there.
Take loads of care,
Carine